no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
