I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All I want is dick and wine.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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