her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Come on in and take your pants off
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