I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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