So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
BRING THE BAGELS
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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