Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
