Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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