My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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