there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Randomize