I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i've created a new STD.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
