Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
