I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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