why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
