After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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