My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
