There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
