I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
