I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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