Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
