dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
