That's intense
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
