I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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