I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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