absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize