mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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