I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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