we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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