Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
