I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
