I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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