just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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