took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
