i permit you to call me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
