The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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