I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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