In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
