fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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