Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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