you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
