just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
