I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
