Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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