One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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