Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
