Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
