So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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