you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
