i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
