im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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