I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Pants are for mortals
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
