He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize