Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
