I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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