i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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