I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
