So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
