Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
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