I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
