Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
