Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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