Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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