You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
