Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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