I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
