Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
