There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
