Do you still have your period?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
