Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
