Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
