if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
