I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
