I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
