remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
