My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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