I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
