I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
