did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
