Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
