His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
