Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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