I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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