3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
