...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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