I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
