***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
