i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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