and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
