when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
