I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Found the puke drawer
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
