Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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