i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
