He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
