Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
