He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
