my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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