The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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