Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
