You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
