i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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