And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
