My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
