Betty ford says i'm here all night
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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