I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
