I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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