Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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