one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My balls are so social today.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
