her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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