her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
