You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
